Chapter 7

The little men brought out large iron brackets and placed them to my left and to my right.

“This is not good, master,” Kuzya remarked nervously and started to wave his tail in the air. He always did this when he was dissatisfied with something. “Can we escape from here?”

“Although that would be ideal,” I replied, “for now, I have been arrested. Enclosed in square brackets. Besides, we are being tightly guarded.” To add to everything, the ball lay motionless beside us.

“Poor one! Unhappy one!” moaned the Exclamation Mark, “Oh! Alas!”

“Are you scared, my boy?” asked the Question Mark.

What a silly bunch! Why should I be scared? Why do I need to feel sorry?

“You should not anger the strong,” remarked Kuzya. “One of my acquaintances, a cat named Kitty, always had a habit of angering a nearby chained dog. She told it so many nasty things! And one day, the dog finally broke its chain and forever broke her of that terrible habit.”

The good punctuation marks were getting more and more worried. The Exclamation Mark insisted that I did not fully comprehend the danger that was looming over me. The Question Mark asked me a bunch of questions and, in the end, asked me whether I had any last requests.

What should I ask for? Kuzya and I consulted and decided that now was the perfect time to have lunch. The punctuation marks explained that I would get anything that I wished for if I spell my desire correctly on the blackboard. Of course, a blackboard immediately appeared in midair and hung in front of me.

To minimize mistakes, Kuzya and I discussed the issue at hand once again. The cat could not come up with anything tastier than bologna. I liked Italian sausage more. But you can make an infinite number of mistakes in the words ‘bologna’ and ‘sausage’. So, we decided to just ask for deli meat. But eating deli meat without bread is not very pleasant. And so, to start off our meal, I wrote BRED on the blackboard. But Kuzya and I did not see any bread.

“Where is the bread?”

“It is written incorrectly!” the punctuation marks answered in unison.

“To not know how to spell such an important word!” grumbled the cat.

Well, I suppose, we just had to eat the deli meat without any bread. There was nothing that I could do about it.

I picked up the chalk and wrote DELLY MEET.

“Wrong!” shouted the punctuation marks.

I erased what I had just written and wrote DELY MEET.

“Wrong!” they shouted once again.

Once again, I erased everything and wrote DELI MEET.

“Wrong!” yelled the punctuation marks.

I got so frustrated that I flung the chalk as far as I could. Everybody just scoffed at me.

“Well, thanks for the bread and the deli meat,” Kuzya sighed. “I have no idea why boys even go to school. Didn’t they teach you to write at least one edible word correctly?”

Perhaps I could spell one edible word correctly. I erased DELI MEET and wrote ONION. Immediately, the Periods appeared with a large dish of peeled onions. The cat was offended and snorted. He did not eat onions. I didn’t like them either. But, as we were terribly hungry, we started chewing on the onions. Tears flowed from my eyes.

Suddenly, there was a loud gong.

“Do not cry!” shouted the Exclamation Mark. “There is still hope!”

“How do you feel about the Comma, my boy?” asked the Question Mark.

“I think that the comma is not needed at all,” I answered frankly. “You can read without it and, when you’re reading, you don’t pay any attention to the commas anyway. But when you write a sentence and forget to put it in, you will certainly get penalized for it!”

The Exclamation Mark got even more upset and began to groan loudly.

“Don’t you know that a single comma can decide a person’s fate?” asked the Question Mark.

“Stop telling me fairy tales, I’m not a child anymore!”

“My master and I have not been kittens for a very long time,” Kuzya affirmed.

The Comma and several Periods entered the room, carrying a large rolled up parchment.

“This is a sentence,” announced the Comma.

The Periods unrolled the parchment. I read:

“THE SENTENCE

in the case of Viktor Perestukin:

EXECUTE NOT PARDON”

“Execute not! Pardon! Hooray! Pardon!” rejoiced the Exclamation Mark. “You cannot execute! Hooray! Perfect! Generosity! Hooray! Wonderful!”

“Do you think that you cannot execute him?” asked the Question Mark in a grave voice. Apparently, he really doubted what the Exclamation Mark was saying.

What are they talking about? Who do they want to execute? Me? What right do they have to do that?! No, no, this has to be some kind of mistake!

But the Comma looked at me with an evil smile and said:

“The punctuation marks are misinterpreting the meaning of the sentence. You must be executed; you cannot be pardoned. That is how the sentence is written.”

“Why am I being executed?!” I shouted. “For what?!”

“For your ignorance, laziness, and complete disregard of your native language.”

“But the sentence clearly states that it is impossible to execute.”

“This is not fair! We will complain to the management,” Kuzya yelled, grabbing the Comma by her ponytail.

“Ah! Oh! How awful! I shall not survive!” exclaimed the Exclamation Mark.

I was truly scared. So, this is how my textbooks chose to punish me! This is how the promised dangers appeared. They didn’t even let me get a proper look around this place and immediately rendered me a death sentence!

Whether you want to or not, you need to handle these situations on your own. There’s nobody to complain to. Nobody will protect me here. I have neither my parents nor my teachers by my side. Naturally, there are also no police officers or courts here. Just like in the Wild West. Whatever the King wants, he does. In my opinion, the royalty, as a class, should be completely eliminated from society. What gives the King the right to rule over the grammar here?

The Exclamation Mark started fidgeting more and more and shouting out exclamations from time to time. Tiny tears rolled down his face. The Question Mark asked the Comma over and over:

“Can you really not help the poor boy in any way?”

They were really nice guys, these punctuation marks! The Comma hesitated for a little bit, but then replied that I could help myself if I knew where to put the comma in the sentence.

“Let him finally realize the importance of the comma,” said the hunchback with self-importance. “A comma can even save a person’s life. Let Perestukin try to save himself, if he wants to.”

Of course, I wanted to save myself!

The Comma clapped her hands together and a huge clock appeared on the wall. It showed five minutes to noon.

“Five minutes to think,” creaked the old woman. “At exactly twelve noon, the comma should already be placed in its rightful place. A minute past noon will already be too late.”

She put a large pencil in my hand and said: “One!”

The clock immediately started ticking and counting down the time: “Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.” A few more ticks and a whole minute had passed. And there were only five of them.

“Any questions?” asked the Question Mark in a trembling voice.

“Yes!” I said excitedly. “Where do I have to put the comma?”

“Alas! Decide yourself!” cried the Exclamation Mark.

Kuzya ran up to him and began to wrap himself around his feet.

“Tell him, tell my master where to put this darned comma,” Kuzya pleaded with him. “Tell him, I’m begging you to be a human being and tell him!”

“Tell him?!” squealed the Comma. “Under no circumstances! No hints! They are strictly prohibited!”

The clock was ticking. I was stunned when I looked up. Three minutes have already passed and I was no closer to the solution.

“Call Geography,” Kuzya yelled. “Aren’t you afraid of dying?”

I was afraid of death. But what about tempering my will, improving my character? Shouldn’t I learn how to despise danger and not be afraid of it? If I’m frightened now and take the easy way out, when will I ever encounter such danger again? No, this wasn’t the solution. I shouldn’t call anyone to help me. What am I really going to tell Geography? “Hello, dear Geography! Sorry to bother you, but you see, I’m in a little bind…” And the clock was still ticking down the minutes.

“You have to hurry, boy!” shouted the Exclamation Mark. “Oh! Oh! Alas!”

“Do you realize that there are only two minutes left?” inquired the Question Mark anxiously.

Kuzya growled and clung to the Comma’s dress.

“You wish death upon the boy!” he hissed angrily.

“He deserves it,” Comma answered, trying to rip the cat off her dress.

“What am I going to do?” I inadvertently asked out loud.

“You should reason! Reason! Oh! I am begging you! You must reason!” said the Exclamation Mark. Tears poured from his sad little eyes.

The environment wasn’t very conducive to reasoning, but I started to anyway. If I put the comma after the word ‘execute’, the sentence will read: “Execute, not pardon.” This meant that I wasn’t going to get pardoned. This is not the turn of events that I wanted.

“Alas! Oh! Misfortune! There is no pardon!” the poor Exclamation Mark exclaimed. “Execute! Alas! Oh! Oh!”

“Execute?” asked Kuzya. “That doesn’t suit us.”

“Young man, don’t you realize that there is only a single minute left?” asked the Question Mark, fighting back tears.

Only one minute left… And what will happen then? I closed my eyes and quickly began to think out loud:

“And if you place the comma after the words EXECUTE NOT, then it will become: ‘Execute not, pardon.’ This is what we need! I’ve solved it!”

I went up to the table and drew a big comma in the sentence, right after the word NOT. At that very moment, the clock struck twelve.

“Hooray! Victory! Oh! Good! Wonderful!” the Exclamation Mark joyfully jumped up and down along with Kuzya.

The Comma’s attitude toward me immediately softened.

“Remember, whenever you task your brain with something, things will always get done. Don’t be angry with me, but better: make friends with me. Once you learn how to put me in the proper place, I won’t cause you any trouble at all.”

I gave her a firm promise that I would, indeed, learn the rules.

Our ball suddenly rocked back and forth, and Kuzya and I took off after it.

“Goodbye, Viktor!” shouted the punctuation marks. “We will meet again on the pages of your textbooks and on the sheets of your notebooks!”

“Don’t confuse me with my brother!” shouted the Exclamation Mark. “I always exclaim!”

“I hope that you won’t forget that I’m always asking questions?” the Question Mark asked.